


Heads up, J.D., I'm a dead girl walkin'.

by Pearly_Pornography



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Crying, Depression, Drunkenness, F/F, Gen, Halloween Costumes, Post-Doomstar Requiem, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 13:01:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11714919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearly_Pornography/pseuds/Pearly_Pornography
Summary: Seth likes wearing costumes. Amber just showed up to see her girlfriend.





	Heads up, J.D., I'm a dead girl walkin'.

"Son of a bitch, we're all outta fuckin' bourbon."

"Duh." Amber rolled her eyes. "You drink it all."

"Hey, I didn't ask for your fuckin'... sass." Seth grunted. "Goddamnit."

"Did you check the mail today?"

"...Naw." He cracked a joint in his spine, bending back for a moment before heading towards the front door. "Lemme go look. Would they have delivered the mail by now, or is it too early?"

"You won't know until you check."

"You ain't pregnant no more, you fuckin' check."

"I put my son up for adoption and I am still taking care of a godless child."

"...Well then. I-I guess I'll go check the mail."

That bitch always knew what to say, and he hated it. But that was for later. For now, he had to get the mail. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he slunk out of the front door with his lips curled into an unsightly and childish pout. "Stupid..."

God, it was always so fucking hot. Australia was the worst. The weather made him want to die, if the depression didn't already do that. Ten seconds outside and he could feel sweat plastering his shirt to his back. The heat was so blazing it was making his head hurt and his stomach sick. He fumbled with the mailbox, popping it open and grabbing the envelopes. He barely even remembered to close it again before running back into his air-conditioned home.

"What was in the mail?"

"I dunno, I ain't read it yet."

"Then open it."

"Fuckin' chill, I gotta sit down first."

He plopped down into a seat, tearing open the first envelope. "Water bill."

"Shouldn't your brother be taking care of it?"

"...Yeh."

"What else?"

"Uh, we got somethin' from my mom."

"What is it?"

"...'Dear Seth: Today I bought a new dress for sale'. Ugh, why does she send me these fuckin' updates in the mail, I have a goddamn cell phone for a reason."

"I don't think Molly knows how to operate cell phone."

"It's true, but you don't have to say it." He threw the envelope to the side. "Some magazine trying to sell us shit..."

"Oh, let me see." He passed the little pamphlet over to Amber. "...Lovely scarf options."

"One more-- Dear gahd."

"What is it." Amber didn't even look up from the tiny magazine.

"...'s from Mordhaus."

"Don't open it."

"But if I don't then I'll get even more mail wondering why I didn't read the first mail."

"I don't want to know what it says."

"I gotta." Seth gnawed the envelope open with his jagged teeth, pulling a letter from the inside. "Dear lord, they put it on stationery."

"Throw it away."

"No. 'You are cordially invited...' Ugh, I bet it's a wedding. '...to the Mordhaus Halloween Party on the 31st.'" His lip curled. "A fuckin' party?"

"A party." Amber blinked. "Will Abigail be there?"

"...Probably."

Seth was beginning to wish he hadn't bothered reading the stupid letter.

"Will we go in costume?"

"Fuck no--" ...He thought for a moment. "...Yes."

"As what?"

"Remember that time I asked you when it'd be acceptable to dress as Jason Dean."

"...You can't be serious."

"I don't joke about matters regardin' Heathers, alright." Seth rubbed his hands together. "This is the moment I've been waitin' for and we're going as Veronica and J.D. and yer gonna like it, and we're gonna have fun."

"I assume you're not budging on this."

"Like hell I'm budging on this."

"...Fine."

"Good, I'm packin'."

"I hate you."

"Hate you too."

"Dick."

"Bitch."

-

"Hey, bro, ya made it."

Pickles seemed less than enthusiastic.

"Lovin' the shitty plastic teeth."

"I'm a vampire, asshole."

"I can tell."

"...Are you supposed to be fuckin' Jason Dean?"

"I know, right? I look baller as hell."

"...Whatever, jest get inside."

Seth and Amber shuffled into the overcrowded party. Despite living in the Dethklok Australia HQ, Seth still wasn't used to all this rich big party money crap. He was a liar, after all, he hadn't achieved shit in life. There were champagne flutes by the dozen and cocktail shrimp and low lights. In all his life he hadn't seen anything quite like it. He'd heard stories and seen them in movies and cartoons, but this was real.

And here he was.

Surrounded by rich homosexuals, dressed as Jason Dean.

He shuffled towards the bar, plopping down in between a klokateer and what appeared to be Murderface, laying with his head down on the table. His cheek met his palm, leaning an elbow on the tabletop and blinking his eyes.

"Bartender." He smacked the table. "Baaaartender."

"Yes?" Another klokateer. Just with an apron on.

"...Jest gimme a glass a' straight vodka."

"On the rocks?"

"No, jest vodka."

"Understood."

"Actually, like, eight glasses. Of- of vodka."

"I thought ya weren't drinkin' anymore!" Murderface rose his head, looking like a complete mess. "You lied to your family! I wouldn't lie to my family, I'd get beaten to a fuckin' pulp..." He clearly had face paint on, but most of it had melted or stuck to his arms. What was he even supposed to be? A ghost? A guy with a painted face? A clown? "...Thasch badassch..."

"Yeah, I thought you weren't livin' no more."

"...Tokiiii! J.D. isch bein' mean to me! I'm--" He then proceeded to fall backwards off the bar stool, unconscious.

"Whup, dere 'e goes. Vodka. Hurry. Now."

"Just take the bottle, sir."

"...Fuckin' sweet." Seth pressed the bottle opening to his lips, pouring the bitter liquor down his throat. It stung his nose and throat and eyes. It burned. It tasted terrible. He pulled it away before tears struck his eyes. "...'s the good stuff."

"Williams, don'ts lays like dats, you's gon's to chokes on you's pukes." Toki was, unshockingly, some kind of unicorn fairy princess thing. He was even leaving glitter behind him, dear lord. Skwisgaar was in tow, as some kind of ghoul... thing. Long and flowy and dark. "I t'inks we gon's to have to carries him back to hims rooms or else someones mights goes steps on hims face, dat ams what's bads, rights Skwisgaar?"

"...Ja."

"Ams you Jasons Dasons?" Toki pointed at Seth.

"I'm Seth."

"...Who?"

"Pickles' brother."

"Ohhh. He hates you's guts, huh."

"Thanks fer the reminder, ya pansy fuckin' asshole."

"Least I gots two boyfriends."

"Listen, if you don't stop talkin', I am going to pour this vodka on yer head and light you on fire."

"Skwisgaar, runs!" Toki made a break for it, leaving Skwisgaar behind, who rolled his eyes and threw Murderface over his shoulder.

"Holds ups, Tokis." He leaned down. "Tokis has a few drinks to-nights and he amn'ts himselfs. I apologosex on hims behalfiors."

"Whatever."

Stupid assholes.

-

"You know, what a lucky coincidence I wore that outfit from when I worked on an indie production of Heathers, huh."

"I saw the play, but not the movie, was it good?"

"We can watch it together, if you want."

Amber grinned, as Abigail pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm glad you showed up."

"You're so good to me. I am ashamed. I never do anything for you."

"It's alright, seeing you here is enough." Amber leaned in to hug Abigail, before she heard a loud crashing from the distance. "...Oh shit."

"What was that?"

"Only god knows. I should probably check it out, come with me." Abigail stood, taking Amber's hand in her own. The two of them shuffled through the halls, full of costumed Dethklok execs and the like. A few people were crowded by the entrance to the main room, a bit of hustle and bustle coming out between each person. "Dick."

Dick Knubbler turned, holding his latex alien mask in his hands, which were shaking furiously.

"Oh dear lord, Abigail."

"What's happening."

"I feel like you won't believe me if I tell you, babe."

"Hurry it up, I don't want Mordhaus to get torn apart by the end of the night."

"Seth has been trying to kill Nathan for an hour."

Silence.

"...Are you- are you fucking kidding me?" Amber pinched her nosebridge. "You cannot be serious."

"He got one hit in and now Nathan has just been holding him in a headlock and punching him in the face. I think they're both pretty drunk." The two ladies looked less than pleased. "I'd suggest just stayin' out here before it gets... uuuugly."

"Goddamnit." Amber shoved past the various people. It had been years and years and years since she was this fucking furious. Past the crowds, she could see him. Bloody nose, bruised eye, split lip, a scowl, the red tinge of drunkenness painting his face. "Seth!"

The two men grew silent.

"...Hey asshole, it's your dominatrix!"

"Fuck you, Nathan!"

Nathan's forehead was bleeding, too. 

"Metal man. Let him go right now."

Nathan, who appeared to just be wearing a t-shirt with 'spooky' written on it, was scowling.

"He tried to bash my fucking head in. I'd oughtta throw him out the window."

"You killed muh boyfriend, fuck you!"

"He killed himself!"

"It was your fault!"

"Would you have preferred Toki and Abigail died? Huh?"

"Maybe I would'a!"

"Amber, consider this your divorce, I'm killing your husband."

"No, no, no, it's fine, he's..." Amber really wished she had gotten some of that alcohol before the bar closed. "...he's had too much to drink and he's being an idiot."

"I ain't an idiot!"

"Seth, shut up for a second."

"You shuddup!"

"Boys." All went quiet. Charles parted the crowd, in his usual suit, like the parting of the Red Sea. "Nathan, if this happens every year, I'm going to have to close the bar at parties."

"Last time Murderface did it."

"It's still a problem. Put Seth down." Nathan grumbled, but complied, dropping a limp and drunken Seth on the floor. Seth shook, and tried to stand, falling harshly onto his face. He was pathetic. Weak and sad and lonely. "My apologies, everyone. The problem has been contained."

"Chaaarles..." Nathan groaned, shuffling behind the CFO. "I hate him..."

"Regardless of how you feel about him, you agreed to invite him."

"He tried to kill me."

"Did you seriously think he would've succeeded?"

The rest of the conversation was too far for Amber to hear. She had more important things to worry about. Turning her head as fast as a whip crack, she looked at Seth, who was weakly coughing into his sleeve. It'd been raining all night, but somehow, it became even louder in her ears.

"Feel free to come back in." Amber sighed, hauling Seth upwards and allowing him to lean on her shoulder. "Pretend this never happened."

-

"What on earth is the matter with you, Seth?"

"Don' wanna talk abouddit."

"You'd better explain yourself."

"No."

"You stupid drunk... asshole." Amber wanted to rip her own hair out. "You ruin everything. You ruined my day. You- you ruined my life. You ruin everything you touch!"

"Fuck off."

"No wonder... no wonder your brother can't stand you! I can't stand you! I wish I could kill you!"

"Then why are you still here."

His eyes bore deep into her chest. "...Son of a bitch, why are you here?"

"Why are you here?!"

"Because I got invited!"

"Everybody fucking hates you! It isn't fair, you- you shove your problems on other people, and--"

"Magnus din't hate me."

A long pause went by. Seth sitting on the guest bed, Amber across the room. He mumbled. "...Yeah." 

"...Mm."

It had gotten uncomfortable. "Is there a draft in here?"

"Might be."

"I'll just..." She sat down on the edge of the bed. "...What was your life like?"

"That's a weird question..." He leaned over the bed, hacking some watery bile behind the headboard. "...Boring."

"Can't have been that boring."

"I dunno. Uh..." He grunted. "Didn't have many friends. Parents liked me. Not much of an achievement, though. I'm assuming yours was more interesting."

"Just, you know." She sighed. "...Stupid things. Left Tibet with my father... couldn't get anywhere without being bothered. I was poor and angry and depressed and things. And yet, even... Even though you fuck things up so much, I have a house and money and... yeah."

"...Yeah."

"But we're still unhappy."

"Yeah."

"...I hate it."

"I miss my boyfriend."

"Wanna go outside and throw rocks at lampposts?" Amber looked at him. He was, at least, sobering up a little. "As friends?"

"...Yeah."

-

"Hold on, hold on, I'm gonna hit the light."

"You can't."

"I'm Jason Dean, I can do anything!" Seth grabbed a pebble off of the ground, tossing it up and down for a moment. "Aaaaand headshot!" He threw the rock, hitting the post just below the light. "Fucking shit."

"Alright, alright, my turn."

"You can't do it."

"I can do whatever I put my mind to."

"Except grow an inch."

"Don't make me throw this at you." She smiled, throwing another rock about half an inch above the lamp. It fell into the water around Mordhaus. "Damn it all!" 

"Okay, okay, okay."

"Do the- do the voice."

"Which one? Oh, wait." He lowered his voice, gravelly and deep. " _I've got you in my sights._ " He then accidentally threw the rock through a window, breaking it instantly. "...I wonder if I hit anybody." Amber leaned over, whispering.

"I hope you hit Charles."

"I hope I hit Charles."

"I bet you can't climb the lamppost."

"I can climb anything, I'm Jason Dean! I am what killed the dinosaurs!"

All in all, it wasn't so bad.


End file.
